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Angel LaCanfora: Blog

This - A Poem - December 16, 2010

 

You can't love

the unlovable.

You can't touch

the untouchable.

You can't know

the unknowable.

You can't see

what's not there.

You can't hear

what's not being said.

You can't say

what you don't think.

You can't feel

when you're full of drink.

You can't fulfill

when you're restrained.

 

You can love

the lovable.

You can touch

the touchable.

You can know

the knowable.

You can see

what is there.

You can hear

what is being said.

You can say

what you think.

You can feel

when you're sober.

You can achieve

when you are free to be.

Yeah.

 

12/16/2010

Ode to Thursday - December 15, 2010


When the day is dark and the sun doesn't shine

Tomorrow will be a better day.

When your ankle is twisted and your toes get numb

Tomorrow will be a better day.

When your love grows cold and there's no hope in sight

Tomorrow will be a better day.

When the dogs are bearing down and you're pinned to the wall

Tomorrow will be a better day.

When the fault lines have snapped and the land's engulfed you

Tomorrow will be a better day.

When the funds have run low and the cupboard is empty

Tomorrow will be a better day.

When the family you've got is angry and mean

Tomorrow will be a better day.

When the doctor's diagnosis leaves you full of despair

Tomorrow will be a better day.

When your tire's gone flat and you're a long way from home

Tomorrow will be a better day.

When the murderer's eyes look directly in yours

Tomorrow will be a better day.

Tomorrow will be a better day.

Tomorrow will be.


A. LaCanfora - 12/15/2010

Ruminations - December 13, 2010

There was a time, up til just recently, when I believed the meaning of life was the pursuit of happiness. I believed that if you pursued your dream(s), that it would bring fulfillment and peace-of-mind. But what I've now come to believe is that I had fallen prey to that deeply ingrained American construct, "the pursuit of happiness." It was Thomas Jefferson, who borrowed from George Mason, who in turn had borrowed from philosopher John Locke, who put forth the phrase "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness" in the Declaration of Independence. Now "happiness" as an end is not a concept shared the world over, but it's a good one. It means we as individuals can pursue pleasure for pleasure's sake, which in Jefferson's era was a decidedly antithetical stance to the staunch Puritanism of early English colonists, a radical notion that would set the United States apart from the rest of the world.

What I've come to believe is that life is not about pleasure.That is not to say it's about pain, either. It's about being productive, about being the best *you* you can be. It's about giving back to your community. It's about the world being a little bit nicer because you existed. And if you can't or don't choose to give to your community or make a "mark," so to speak, at the very least, try not to leave a mess behind you when you go! Once I stopped believing I was somehow entitled to a nice life, I found that, oxymoronically, some of my pain, unhappiness and dissatisfaction was quashed. Suddenly I started accepting the fact that I have an incurable genetic disorder. And when bad things happen to me, I find them rolling off my back more. The "why me's" have given way to the "why not me?" Everyone has pain, everyone experiences disappointments. Little day-to-day disappointments (the friend cancels on you for lunch) and big disappointments ( oops, my shoulder's dislocated...). And we all have little day-to-day moments of pleasure ("mmm...this cup of coffee hits the spot") and moments of big pleasure ("yes, I'll marry you"). And now that I've stopped feeling that the meaning of life is the pursuit of happiness, but rather, to be as productive as I can and to lead as full a life as I possibly can, I feel like I can face whatever the future throws at me.

I'm going to die one day. Whether or not it'll be my EDS that gets me in the end, or cancer, heart disease or just plain old age, I have no way of knowing. But I *will* die. And so will you. In between this moment right here and mine/your death, we have the choice to view each moment of our lives in such a way as to give it depth and meaning. Maybe this shift in my thinking has come about as a natural consequence of getting older. Maybe this is the fabled "maturity" I've always heard about. Maybe it's come about from having gone through way too much tragedy for one life. Maybe it's come about as a result of living with illness, I don't know. Maybe my shift lay at the crux of a resilient life. People who've lived through unspeakable horrors, such as the Holocaust or being a P.O.W. probably eventually came to a similar, if not the same, conclusion as I did. Resilience is the ability to bounce back and I think my life has been defined by having to bounce back from incredible situations. For all intents and purposes, I should not be alive. Illness, a long evening in the captivity of a serial rapist/murderer, car accidents...you name it, seems I've been through it. Now I sit here writing, so appreciative of my peaceful, beautiful life right now, I could just weep. I'm a very fortunate woman.  

The Buddha said that the cause of suffering is desire. So maybe I'm more at peace than I've ever been because I've let go of a lot of desires. Of course there are some holes in my life, but they'll get filled in time. I still have stuff I long for, I'm only homo sapien! But when my hard-drive crashes or my shoulder hurts, I don't get a case of the "freak out's," I don't hold my breath and turn blue. I shrug. I am a shrugger.

 

"Bouquet" Mosaic - December 10, 2010

13"x10" made with stained-glass, vitreous & ceramic tiles, millefiori & bits of mirror....now on sale at my Etsy shop...

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New pieces - December 2, 2010

Been a busy art bee as of late, trying to make up for all my lost time due to traveling. Here are photos of the latest batch...

These 3 below are from my pop art mosaic or P.A.M., series...

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and a new suncatcher...

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All of these are for sale online in my Etsy shop: http://www.etsy.com/shop/AngelTunes

Art Sale! - November 26, 2010

Come & get your art...mosaics, suncatchers, mirrors.... 15% off across the board in my Etsy shop!!

http://www.etsy.com/shop/AngelTunes

Spider on My Ceiling - November 22, 2010

Lounging on my couch, absorbed in Jonathan Franzen’s “Freedom,” I pause to come up for air and notice something not right out of the corner of my eye. I look up and see a reasonably large spider sprawled in the corner of my ceiling (large, that is for a living room, maybe not out in the wild). As I’ve been working on my arachnophobia, I have to work hard not to freak out, still, every cell in my body is squirming; I’m at Code Red.  I stare at it, trying to talk myself into a peaceful coexistence with the creepy beast. I tell myself that there is actually not much there there, if you really look at it: the body portion is tiny, it’s the legs that give him his fierce appearance. I realize that he isn’t moving, just hanging out. I think, “ok, I can live with this. You just stay put in here, guard your corner and don’t get any funny ideas.” So I go back to my book, but thoughts of the spider overhead gnaw at the back of my skull. I get a vision of him crawling directly overhead, then lowering himself down onto me, onto my head. He isn’t doing this, of course, he’s still sitting, motionless. But now that that idea has presented itself, I have to glance up at him every few minutes just to make sure he’s behaving. An hour goes by, two, three. He’s clearly settled in for awhile. I glance at him less and less, mentally patting myself on the back for letting myself coexist with a creature that makes me hyperventilate. I tell myself how ridiculous it is to be afraid of spiders. They don’t bother me nearly so much outdoors. It’s being cooped up in a room with them that really freaks me out, being sequestered, thinking they might crawl their way into my bed, or my ear. 

 

There was one time, a lifetime ago it seems, when I was working as a paralegal, and I left my home to go to the office and walked through a spider web, strung between two shrubs. I immediately did the “spider web freak-out dance,” patting myself all over and shuddering. So I went to work; it was just a normal day at the office. I go home, remove my clothes and to my horror, to my complete, utter disgust, find the remnants of a once rather substantial smushed spider in my bra! I nearly fainted. I’d obviously walked right into him that morning and he must’ve fallen straight into my blouse, then when I’d patted myself, I’d crushed him. I can laugh about it now. Almost. 

 

I had another interesting spider encounter when I was going to school in Cambridge, England, in ’95. I was hanging out on the Silver Street Bridge, an idyllic spot situated over the Cam River. I was on a break from my classes, sitting cross-legged on the low edge of this concrete bridge on a sunny day. Well I look down in my lap and see a spider crawling on my leg. So I commence my spider freak-out dance, I’m patting and flailing and mildly hyperventilating. Up to this point I’d been alone on the bridge, but I look up and see Professor Stephen Hawking on the bridge, on my side, with a female companion. He’s got that grin of his going, his eyes trained right on me (how could they not be, given the scene). I laugh and forget all about the spider, realizing how absurd all this must’ve looked to him. He’s grinning, I’m laughing and the spider vanishes. 

 

I’m writing this, still glancing at my new companion. He hasn’t moved a centimeter. It occurs to me that maybe on some level, I want him to move. Maybe that’s what’s really bothering me; it isn’t his good behavior, but his inertia. I’m expecting him to do something and he’s not doing anything. I mean, of course I’m happy he’s so well-behaved, but maybe on some level, I’d rather he be a little naughty, conform to my expectations. C’mon spider, show me what you got! Lets just have it out already! Maybe I’ll stop being so afraid of spiders if we go head-to-head and I see that you’re really a gentle beast. Maybe one day, I’ll grow to trust them, respect them, even, dare I say, love them? 

 

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Video! - November 17, 2010

....of me tinkering with my Fender Strat last night. Since I've got a nasty cold, can't sing and was feeling musical, came up with a little improvised melody here.

My Great Southern Excursion - the thrilling conclusion! - November 15, 2010

I’d tried to sleep in but laid there in bed thinking that this was the last chance I’d have to poke around Memphis before catching my flight home later. Besides, a trip is no time for sleep, you can do that at home! So that’s why I found myself up at 6am, ready and raring to go. The plan was to find a diner or some place interesting for breakfast. I’d drive around and see what I’d come across; I was convinced there’d be something. This is when I discovered that Memphis is not exactly a town of early-risers. You had your Denny’s, your Starbucks, the ubiquitous Cracker Barrel. But nothing, and I mean, nothing else was open for business in downtown Memphis at this hour. After awhile I gave up and schlepped back to the hotel. I queried the desk clerk about any breakfast joints with character that might be open at this hour but she wrinkled her nose and shook her head in the negative, told me that if I was willing to wait til 8am, there’d be plenty. But I was famished so I gave up on this plan, grabbed a couple hard-boiled eggs there at the breakfast bar and went next door to Starbuck’s for a cappuccino. Back at the hotel I groomed myself and packed my bags, with the intention to squeeze in a tour at Sun Studio before making a mad dash to the airport. 

 

Sun Studio is a humble little brick building at a fork in the road, a large hollow-body electric guitar sculpture adorning its exterior. It was only 10am but the place was packed with tourists from the world over, most of them elderly. It looked like I was the youngest one in the tour by about 5 years. There were few surprises for me on the tour, as I’m pretty familiar with the legend of Sam Philips and the history of his fabulous studio, but it was cool to see the artifacts and to just bask in the presence of this shrine to early rock and roll. Some items on display; Elvis’s high school diploma and first music contract; the first microphone he’d used to record; early, monstrous recording equipment, etc. The apex was getting to stand in the actual studio, where some of the earliest rock and roll singles were recorded. I could’ve hung out there for hours, heck, I could’ve moved in...

 

Then it was on to Memphis Int’l; the ceremonial bequeathing of the rental car back to its agency, and a nasty salad for lunch in the terminal. But the story doesn’t end here. On my flight out of Memphis to catch my connection at Salt Lake City, I had an interesting seat mate, a 50-something year old man by the name of Joseph. Looking like a taller version of musician Levon Helm and sounding like him too, with his lazy Southern drawl, he told me he lived with his wife, a teacher, on 20 acres in Hattiesburg, Mississippi. He was taking this flight to visit his son, a smoke jumper for the forest service, out in Idaho. Clad in plaid-flannel and jeans, he had an easy-going, affable personality and really wanted to talk. I wasn’t especially happy about this initially as I was very tired and was looking at a long day of travel. I’d been hoping to sleep for the duration of this flight. But I eventually had no choice but to give up on the idea and we wound up having an interesting conversation, lasting nearly the entirety of the 3-hour flight, where we talked about nearly every topic under the sun. I learned his whole story: a high school drop-out, he’d gone into the Navy where he’d become an electrician. Once out, he’d married young and since he had kids to support he enrolled in a technical school and became an electrical engineer. The pay was good so he was able to buy land, and retire young. What made his job pay so well was the fact that he’d done long stints working in the oil fields of Saudi Arabia, Iraq and Dubai, a region of the world he came to loathe. While he appreciated the pay and being his own boss, he said that if you dared utter anything negative about the country you were in, you’d get your throat slit; that the level of violence day in, day out was unreal. Joseph and I discovered we both share a mutual love of documentaries, history and archaeology, so we had some common ground. We talked about movies, and he even asked for my view points on religion and God. I winced and thought “oh boy, here we go...things are going to start getting ugly now....” But while he was religious and I’m most certainly not, we were both delighted to find that we have a mutual respect for others believing how they wish. He was willing to hear me out and I was willing to hear him out and it was all very pleasant civil, even humorous, no hint of rancor or condescension on either of our parts. The plane landed and we said our goodbyes and wished each other well. I can’t remember when I last had such a great, thought-provoking, in-depth conversation and I’ll never forget gentle Joseph. 

 

Now I had a four-hour layover in Salt Lake City. If it’d been a little longer, I’d have left the airport to have a look around, but by the time I’d gotten off the plane and made my way to the gate, my time had already whittled down to 3 1/2 hours. So I used it to eat dinner (sushi), read and to type up some thoughts about my trip. So I’ll conclude the story of my Great Southern Excursion with my entry from SLC airport:

 

Here I am on a long layover at Salt Lake City, with a chance to collect my breath and thoughts. I had steeled myself for the fact that this might be a grueling trip. The word “travel” is derived from “travail,” after all. But overall my trip couldn't have gone smoother. There were some minor hiccups, the worse being an argument with my rental car provider, Avis. Otherwise, the trip went suspiciously well. Little went wrong and the things that did were relatively minor or things that could not have been helped (having to drive in stormy weather or missing an off-ramp, etc...). This was absolutely, unequivocally, one of the best trips of my life. It's funny, even though I traveled solo, I rarely felt alone. People (and by "people," I mean mostly men) gravitate towards me and chat away. Something about me makes me approachable. Maybe with my shiny hair, I'm like a lighthouse, a beacon in the night. Anyway, I shouldn't question it, whatever "it" is. Maybe it's that people pick up on the fact that I'm having a blast and want in on it. Even here at the airport, I managed to find a quiet corner, away from the obnoxious mounted tv's tuned to CNN, blasting Sarah Palin's borderline screech and people (uh, “men”)  are still drifting over to me, asking occasional questions or just smiling and saying “hi.” But I felt safe (most of the time), un-harassed, un-hurried (for the most part). I had wonderful luck with all my hotel rooms. Clean, functional, well-priced. The airline didn’t lose my luggage. I didn’t come down with any viruses. And I’ve never encountered so many genuinely kind people on one trip. I ran into only a couple of sourpusses (at Lee’s chapel, or the occasional a-hole who cuts you off on the road). I got to see some old friends before the start of the trip in Charlottesville (including my wonderful miracle kitty, Sigh, survivor of epilepsy). 

I think a good measure of a trip is whether or not it changes you, leaves an indelible print. And this one did. While on it, I had a major epiphany and realized that I’ve come to the end of this particular phase of my life and am now entering a new one. I have finally come to the end of my grief period that arose from my diagnosis in 2007. I’m excited, optimistic and hopeful for the future in a way I haven’t been in years. 

 

Back to now: I’ve been surprised and humbled at the number of hits this site gets and just wanted to say “thanks” for reading, for stopping by. Hope you’ve been entertained or have gotten something of value out of my ramblings. Til we meet again!

 

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Salt Lake City as seen from the plane...

 


 

 

 

My GSE - Vol.5 - November 14, 2010

On the shuttle back across the street from the Graceland mansion, the gentleman seated next to me, an off-duty bus driver, told me this was his 12th trip to Graceland. He’d wanted to make this trip ever since acquiring a new camera (an Olympus) that would take better indoor shots. He showed me some of his photos and he was right. This made me pout internally about my puny, beat-up Cannon Powershot that hates taking pictures in low-light and I made a mental note to eventually buy a better quality camera.

 

I next headed to the National Civil Rights Museum. Pulling up to that iconic motel, and stepping out of my car, the quiet felt eerie, somber. I toured the museum, appreciating most the original documents such as Rosa Parks police report and legal briefs filed in the fight for equality. I concluded my visit by watching a documentary in the museum’s theater entitled “The Witness,” a powerful film about Martin Luther King and his time in Memphis, ending with his horrific death. The audience and I sniffled, trying unsuccessfully to fight back tears. The film left me quite shaken and I had to hang out in the restroom a bit while I regained my composure.

 

After this intense and emotional morning, I was about ready for some levity. First a pit stop back at the hotel, to scarf down some leftovers for lunch (remember, they do portions big in the South!). I left the car parked and proceeded to hoof it Downtown for the next few hours, up and down and over, to the point of blisters on my toes. I gawked at great old buildings; examples of Italianate architecture, Beaux Arts, Romanesque, Gothic Revival standing elegantly alongside modern skyscrapers. I meandered through the ornate lobby of the Peabody Hotel and winced at the sight of the sad little ducks in the fountain. I browsed the uber-cool clothes at Lansky’s, spent some more time on Beale Street (by now well over my culture shock and very appreciative of all Beale had to offer!), and listened to some world-class blues. 

 

Some more thoughts on Beale Street: It’s like Bourbon Street in New Orleans on acid, also grittier, more authentic, less tourist-trappy. There are only a couple blocks given over to the clubs and the flashy neon signs, so what you’ve got is an intense concentration of music and lights bombarding you from all sides. And not only am I sensitive little thing (the deafening roar of a snail crawling 50 yards away can give me vapors), but I’ve lived the last few years of my life in the teeny-tiny, idyllic university enclave that is Charlottesville, Virginia, population 40,000. About the flashiest thing there would be the IHOP on Rte 29, with its garish blue and white sign. Charlottesville’s Downtown Mall, along with the Corner, are the party zones, and you just *might* hear someone speak above a whisper there. I have a saying; “Virginians use their inside voice outside.” They’re a quiet, non-flashy people. Add to this that I lived on the outskirts of town, in a semi-rural environment, with chickens in the yard of my neighbors. Okay, so I think I’ve hammered my point home none-too-subtly. A little goes a long way with me. But while Beale Street resembles Bourbon Street, it doesn’t have Bourbon’s sleaze, no strip joints here, Beale is completely about music and most of it, the blues. And the more time I spent on it, the more I loved it. If I lived in Memphis I’d surely spend a lot of my waking hours on Beale. 

 

After Beale, I walked down to the river and around Confederate Park, which featured a statue of Jefferson Davis, one-time leader of the Confederacy (to me a little incongruous in this land where civil rights came to its head) then finally heading back across the street to my hotel for a brief break. 

 

I didn’t last long in my hotel. I’d been itching to pop over the Hernando de Soto bridge into Arkansas, so I could add another state to my “been there” list. It was now going on 4pm and so I got back in my car and made the quick trip over the Mississippi. Oh yeah, did I mention I’m afraid of heights? Well I am, and this bridge soars over the river at dizzying heights, giving you the sensation of flying. As a kid, I used to amuse my parents to no end whenever we’d cross a bridge. Whenever I’d see one approaching, I’d yell “duck!” and would crouch down and cover my head. My parents thought this was hilarious but I was sincerely scared of heights. So I tried to ignore the woozy feeling in my stomach and concentrate on keeping the car operable, impressed with the sight of the great river below. Once in Arkansas, I got off the highway and had a look around, noting the very flat and farmy landscape, no more hint of Appalachian or Smoky mountains evident in the terrain, just plain flat. 

 

Time for dinner, I walked about four blocks from my hotel to the Flying Fish restaurant on 2nd Street, where I slurped down some fabulous fish tacos. Emerging onto the sidewalk over-stuffed, I spied between the buildings the beginnings of a beautiful sunset, so I swiftly made my way down to the Mississippi River. There I found a place where I could scamper down to the very edge of the water, to the fabled banks of the Mississippi and shot a dozen photos of a spectacular, fiery sunset. Standing there, drinking in the view, I was all alone in what looked to be an abandoned industrial area. I knew coming down here alone wasn’t the brightest move on my part, but I was willing to risk it since I would be leaving the next day and the sight was so stunning. But I was cautious not to let my guard down and soon proved right in my guardedness, as I was approached by a couple of ragged guys who looked to be chemically altered. A normally relatively soft-spoken type, at times like this I use my “big, firm” voice and gave them a hearty “hello, nice night isnt it?” to demonstrate I was strong and alert. That worked and they mumbled and shirked away and I decided it was time to scram before total darkness fell and an assertive personality would be worthless for a little blonde chick in the black of night.

 

I went back to Beale Street, felt like I finally “got” it, just wanting more, more, more. I plunked myself down in a courtyard to listen to yet another great band. There was a crowd gathered of about 35 enthusiastic listeners and after awhile, it dawned on me that I was the only white person there. And I’m not just white, with my bright blonde hair, blue eyes and pale skin, I’m like Lightbulb Girl. All along though I’d found the people of Memphis to be some of the most genuine, truly friendly, kind people you’ll meet anywhere. Folks seated on the bench near me asked me where I was from and soon others gravitated to the conversation. We swapped stories, enjoying the crystal clear night and the wonderful band. Lots of laughing, lots of smiles, lots of warmth. Just a really great time.  

 

Tomorrow....my last day in Memphis...

 

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The Mississippi River at sunset

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The Nat'l Civil Rights Museum, formerly known as the Lorraine Motel

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My GSE - Vol.4 - November 13, 2010

A slow, lazy start the next day as I sorely needed some rest and then I was off to Memphis. As I toodled along I-40 on a bright, sunshiney day, I was struck by the number of disabled vehicles at the side of the road. A relatively short trip from Nashville, I pulled into Memphis around 2pm.  

 

For my last couple of nights of my trip, I’d splurged a little on a better hotel so that I could be smack in the middle of the action and leave the car parked as much as possible. My beautifully decked out room at the Sleep Inn had a lovely view overlooking Court Square. Tasteful in its modern decor, a large plasma tv mounted on the wall (which would see little action since I’m not much of a tv watcher), but alas, no bath tub. After a day of traveling I love a good soak so that was a disappointment, but I’d survive.

 

I wandered over to Beale Street a few blocks away. I was at this point feeling a bit burnt out and maybe it was the combination of fatigue and not knowing what I was in for, but I truly felt a pang of culture shock when I reached Beale Street. I was not prepared for the assault on the senses, on the eyes and ears, the cacophony, the in-yer-faceness of it all. I stumbled down the street with my eyes bulging from their sockets and I’m pretty sure my jaw was hanging down.  I live a very quiet, monk-like existence, poring over tiny pieces of glass, day after day, in the serenity of my apartment. A little stimulation goes a long way with me. I had to rub my eyes while simultaneously dodging overly friendly drunks. Since I’m pretty straight ( no drinky/no druggie ) these days, it made Beale Street a little challenging, but I did stop into my first juke joint (isn’t that a children’s book? “Baby’s First Juke Joint?”) and sat there feeling every bit the tea-totaling, Whole Foods-shopping, Eddie Bauer-clad Orange County, California suburbanite that I am (when did I turn into a yuppie?? Maybe I was never *not* one? My ex-husband, an attorney, swears up and down that I’m far more traditional then I’m willing to admit. Could he have been, gasp, right? I think I hear my relatives whooping for joy in the distance...) After this interlude I stopped at a restaurant called Blues City for an early supper of delectable fried catfish then retreated to the sanctuary of my room, thinking, “what the hell was THAT?” 

 

After a good night’s sleep, I was ready for some serious exploration. I drove to Graceland a little ways out of town, thinking that if I got there early before they opened I’d beat the crowds. Haha...no. But it wasn’t bad at all. You buy your ticket then your body gets shuttled directly across the street (what a waste of gas! Very silly...)and then you’re dropped off in front of those fabled grecian columns. The visitor is given a headset and set loose to wander the house at their own pace. Like everyone who ever visits the place says, I was surprised at how small it actually is. And unsurprising for a man who played Vegas, there was certainly a Liberace-ness to the decor in some spots, a bit excessive for my tastes, but not as gaudy as one might expect. I liked the kitschy tiki room with the waterfall down the wall, but mostly, I enjoyed seeing his memorabilia and the grounds outside.  

 

Now when it comes to Elvis Presley, I’ve got some complicated and elaborate feelings, for he’s pretty much the reason I exist. My dad was a singer signed to Liberty Records in the late 1950s; his hero, his template, was Elvis. Even Col.Tom Parker, Elvis’s manager, went out of his way to catch my dad performing, as he’d heard good things. Meanwhile, my mom, an Elvis lover herself, worked for Capitol Records in Hollywood. So when her girlfriends told her that there was a very Elvis-like singer performing at Ciro’s on the Sunset Strip that night, she went to see him. She batted her lashes at Dad on the stage and the rest is history. So my trip to Graceland was a pilgrimage of sorts and it was impossible not to think about my dad while I was there, who died of heart failure at age 63 and never got to see Graceland. But I brought Dad there, in photo form and laid him by Elvis’s grave. On the back, I wrote a little note to Elvis, thanking him for bringing my folks together and for helping bring me into being.

 

Tomorrow...more from Memphis....

 

Beale Street at dusk...

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Dad & Elvis...

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My GSE - Vol.3 - November 12, 2010

Rising early the next morning, I made my way through the remnants of the storm on the way to Knoxville, Tennessee. As I drove west on I-40, sudden squalls would give way to sunshine beaming down over rolling hills, making for an interesting game of panic vs leisure driving. Pulling into Knoxville at about noon, I plunked myself down in a funky coffeehouse where I sipped one of the best cappucino's I’ve ever had ( http://www.oldcityjava.com/ ). The hipsters and scholars hanging here could've been straight outta Charlottesville. Beside a window I rested while eavesdropping on a nearby table full of band members, listening to them outline their plans for conquering the local music scene. After my break, I bought some fruit for lunch at a nearby neighborhood market from some chirpy college kids then resumed my trek to Nashville. 

 

Upon reaching town, there was some confusion, as the directions I’d gotten off Google Earth turned out to be for a hotel by the same name only at the wrong location. After zipping back and forth on the freeway, I finally came to rest at my Comfort Inn on the west side of town. While my room was just fine, the location of the hotel itself was swear-word inducing. Nestled amongst the fly-overs of the freeway system and with construction to boot, getting in and out of the hotel was a stressful task.

 

I decided to grab dinner that night nearby my hotel. And yes, I cracked and ate a chain restaurant, a place called O’Charley’s, too tired from all the driving to go on the hunt for something with more character. I sat in the bar and was waited on by an attractive 30-something year-old black guy with stud earrings and an outsized personality by the name of Willie. Willie introduced himself, gently took my hand, kissed the top of it and said, “hello, beautiful. Is it just you? Now why would someone like you be dining alone?” Wow, he was smooth! 

 

Up at the crack of dawn the following morning, pleased to see the storm had completely cleared out and the sky looking promising. I hopped in my trusty silver Ford Focus rental and jumped on the freeway, thinking I was heading towards Downtown. I wasn’t and soon found myself heading into more rural territory. I soon spied a sign indicating that the Natchez Trace Parkway was accessible at the next off-ramp and I giddily exclaimed aloud, “awesome!” So I jumped on the parkway and managed to get in about 15 to 20 miles on its windy, desolate stretch. Pulling off at an overlook, I stepped out to watch the sun rise over mist-covered hills, the sound of rushing water close by, the air crisp and winter-cold. I marveled that I had this beautiful place, this spectacular moment, all to myself, and snapped some photos before hunger compelled me back towards the city. 

 

After breakfast, I headed Downtown, parking near the Ryman Auditorium. I needed to stop at the visitor’s center adjacent to the arena to pick up a Music City pass (you pay a flat rate of $50 and get hassle-free entry into many Nashville attractions).  A huge crowd was lined up outside the arena and I asked what was up. Turned out folks were there to score tickets to some benefit concerts being thrown by Garth Brooks for Nashville flood relief. I then wandered across the street to the Country Music Hall of Fame and Museum, arriving just as they were opening. The museum is housed in a wonderful building with one side looking like a stack of records topped with a radio antenna, while the rest is a curvilinear take on a piano keyboard (apparently when seen from the air, the building in its entirety looks like a bass clef). The history of country music is here represented floor-by-floor in the museum, with the top floor being the oldest. I’m not a huge country music fan, but when I do listen to it, I like Johnny Cash, Hank Williams or Patsy Cline. I became especially drawn to Williams after learning of how he battled chronic health problems while simultaneously influencing and shaping the course of modern music. People of strength and character always impress me deeply. As a lifelong musician and songwriter, I choked up profoundly and had to wipe away tears while gazing down at his handwritten lyrics laying there under glass. This was a musician whose influence is so widespread, so pronounced, that you can trace anyone and everyone back to him; one of those early songwriters of such great importance that many musicians today don’t even realize they owe a debt to him. He’s like the bottom-most layer of strata at the base of a mountain range. 

 

After the museum, I pounded the pavement around downtown, accompanied by the soundtrack of bands already jamming in clubs at 10:30am. I poked around in shops, got some coffee, and made my way down to the river to take in the scenery.

 

By 1pm, I’d already put miles on the soles of my shoes and was feeling pretty tired. All I wanted to do was to curl up in my hotel room for awhile but I couldn’t stop thinking about the Hermitage, president Andrew Jackson’s home, located on the outskirts of town. A lover of early American history, I’d read a great bio on him ( “Andrew Jackson: His Life & Times” by HW Brands) and wanted to round out the pictures I’d had in my mind of where he’d spent his life. I drove about a 1/2 hour out of town and was able to use my Music City pass to get in. I had to bypass the house tour, as I was pressed for time since I had a show to catch that evening at the Grand Ole Opry. But the grounds were beautiful, the stately trees resplendent in fall color and I was really glad I pushed myself to go.

 

After about an hour at the Hermitage I drove back to the hotel to freshen up and shovel some leftover fish into my gob. Then I returned Downtown to the Ryman Auditorium for a 7pm Grand Ole Opry concert. I was seated in the back row at the very far right side, but still had a great view of the stage. I got to chatting with the older couple seated beside me. Newly retired teachers Bill and Sue McGowan hailed from Binghamton, New York, and were on a road trip themselves, their final destination being Florida. We hit it off, chatting breezily and joking around for the duration of the show. As for the show itself, I enjoyed it much more than I thought I would. I’d been hesitant about going, but after polling my Facebook friends and receiving enthusiastic recommendations, had relented and bought a ticket. But it was a great fun experience. I especially adored the bawdy, authenticity of Little Jimmy Dickens. 89 years-old and standing all of 4’11”, Dickens was actually an influence on Hank Williams! A big deal was made that night over the appearance of CNN anchorlady Robin Meade, there to do her 1st ever G.O.P. performance. It was one of the mercifully few “please shoot me” moments of the night, another being Montgomery Gentry and his testosterone (the man clearly hails from a world where men are men and women are women, and there’d better be no in-between, otherwise yer queer). But another highlight was a fella whose name I didn’t catch, who sang all of one song, but what a song... Bob Dylan’s “Forever Young.” Faithfully rendered, I was overjoyed, as I’d had Dylan’s album “Planet Waves” playing in the car during my drive in. I lit up like a Christmas tree and sang along with gusto, turning the white-haired heads of the gals in the row in front of me. I didn’t care. I was blissin' out. 

 

Tomorrow....onward to the home of the blues...

 

The view from the Natchez Trace Parkway.

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My Great Southern Excursion - Vol. 2 - November 11, 2010

Charlottesville to Wytheville

 

After a brief visit to my old hometown of Charlottesville, Virginia, I was ready to hit the road. The morning I was to depart loomed wet, as a massive storm had laid siege on the east coast overnight. A hearty breakfast at the Villa on Rte 29 later and I departed, heading on I-64 west, up, over and into the Blue Ridge mountains through thick fog and pounding rain. Tractor-trailers, big enough to have their own micro-climate, barreled past on either side of me. Up near the turn-off for Skyline Drive, I white-knuckled it as the fog engulfed me. And all around were drivers exhibiting signs of panic, everyone coping with the crazy weather the best way they knew how: one car turning on their emergency flashers, another slowing to near backwardness, another screaming past cockily. After only an hour on the road, I had to grudgingly pull off and take shelter in a Staunton Starbucks, the intensity of the storm too dangerous for my comfort level. There I waited out the worst of it, silently cursing it under my breath as I nursed my cappucino. 

 

Back on the road, through more temperate rain, I drove for a couple hours, south on serpentine Rte 11 before coming to a lunchtime stop in Lexington, home of the Virginia Military Institute. I strode around its historical streets during a break in the storm, taking in the architecture, Stonewall Jackson’s unassuming house among them. I visited the stately grounds of VMI, fall having turned the looming trees leaves to brilliant reds, oranges. I made my way to the chapel. The tour guide, a stout blonde only a little older than me, gave me a terse tour of the chapel, seemingly ill-at-ease with having to go through the rigamarole of conducting a tour for one. I noted the simplicity of the chapel, oohed and awed over Robert E Lee’s marble sarcophagus (which never, in fact, held his remains). At the tour’s end, my guide pursed her lips and said, “you can continue on downstairs to the crypt, but you seem like you’re in a hurry.” Uh, no, I’d enjoyed the leisurely break from the road. Whatever. Downstairs I took a moment to peer at Lee’s crypt situated behind jail cell bars then emerged back outside into the fresh air of non-judgmental skies. 

 

Arriving in Wytheville, Virginia in late afternoon, I took advantage of another pause in the rain to poke around this tiny town straddling the border of North Carolina. In a stiff, sub-arctic breeze, I maneuvered my shivering, inadequately clad self through the crumbling historic district, gingerly avoiding holes in the sidewalk. A monument to Daniel Boone and an original log tavern dating from the late 1700s provided the highlights on my tour.

 

Chain restaurants abounded in this hamlet off I-81 (your Cracker Barrel, your Shoney’s, etc...) and I’d determined when I’d set out on this trip to avoid chains as much as possible, so I settled on what looked like a non-chainey seafood restaurant near my motel for dinner. The tired coffeeshop decor clued me in that any fish that would grace my plate would most likely have not resembled a fish for sometime. I steered clear of ordering any supposed frozen and boxed fish fillets and since I care about my health and maintaining some semblance of a figure, ordered off the “calorie restricted” column. This is what I received, follow along, if you will; a slab of over-baked salmon with about 1/4 cup of melted butter on the side, a bowl overflowing with fuzzy tan slugs, er, hush puppies (that’s fried cornbread for the uninitiated), a dinner plate full of steak fries, a salad plate full of shredded cheddar cheese with 2 wedges of tomato and some iceberg lettuce confetti with a side of ranch dressing (their “salad” ....all the fun without the guilt! And few of those pesky nutrients!). Now, I’ve gotten pretty good over the years at eyeballing food and guestimating the number of calories and I’d concluded, that this meal, the “calorie restricted” meal mind you, was somewhere in the ball park of 2000 calories, perhaps more. An adult female of my size (5’5”) should be eating roughly around 1500 calories a day. So here before me was a full day’s worth of food and then some! Ah, the South. 

 

I bedded down for the night in a cheap and cheerful, Indian family run motel called the Budget Host. I’d read rave reviews of it online and it didn’t disappoint. The place was basic but immaculate,the bed surprisingly comfortable. My internet connection in the room was zippier than mine at home, and all for the low, low price of $42 (with your AAA card). My gentle and mannerly hosts made me feel welcome and cared for. I almost regretted having to leave!

 

Tomorrow...I make my way to Knoxville, then onto the home of country music... 


The Great Southern Excursion - Vol.1 - November 10, 2010

 

My Great Southern Excursion has reached its end. Over the course of the past week and a 1/2, I traveled via the road from Charlottesville, Virginia to Nashville, and finally Memphis, Tennessee. I’d honestly thought I’d post more often to this site during the trip, but I was so busy, that when I finally had down-time, my brain went down with my body.


This trip was hugely significant for me. To travel this extensively for so long by myself, was a real test of my strength and endurance. Some background: In 2005, while living in Arlington, Virginia with my then-husband, my health had deteriorated to the point where I was unable to work, and oftentimes, even walk. I was in constant pain, my joints and muscles screaming, constant gastrointestinal problems, blurry vision, headaches, nausea. I’d had slipped discs in my spine, beginning when I was in my 20s, my first hiatal hernia by age 32. I’d had seizures and chest pains. 10 years earlier, I’d been dismissively handed a diagnosis of fibromyalgia but after researching it at length, knew this diagnosis was wrong. It didn’t add up. So in ’05, at my lowest ebb, I saw physician after physician, had test after test conducted, all in vain. Was it lupus? MS? All kinds of scary disease names were pondered in the quest to figure out what was wrong with me. But I had an “aha” moment early in 2007. I was reading an article on CNN’s website about a children’s music group from Australia, the Wiggles, about how the lead singer had had to take an early retirement due to severe medical problems. His condition was diagnosed as orthostatic intolerance. Having never heard the phrase before, I googled it and eventually arrived at a subset called postural orthostatic intolerance (POTS for short). Reading the list of its symptoms, a chill ran through me. This was it!! This sounded like me! I next hunted around the region for a doctor who knew something about this rare condition. I found one in DC, a well-respected and exorbitantly priced internist with whom POTS was one of his specialties. I marched in armed with research, explained my history and told him explicitly to test me for POTS. I underwent blood tests, an exam and most grueling of all, the waterboardian “tilt-table” test, where the patient is strapped to a table that slowly tilts over the course of an hour, all the while vitals being monitored. A couple weeks later I met with my doctor and he soberly gave me the verdict. Yes, I had POTS, BUT the POTS was secondary to a more elaborate condition, Joint Hypermobility Syndrome (a subset of the genetic disorder, Ehlers-Danlos syndrome). He also let me know that I had a compromised immune system in the form of Chronic Immune Dysfunction Disorder. My head reeled. What did all this mean? Was there a cure for any of this, I inquired. No. Was there effective treatment? No, treatment was in the form of lifestyle modification. He explained that current research showed that with hypermobility (or EDS) there’s a defect in the collagen, thus all my soft tissue, including muscles, organs and skin, were more elastic, stretchier, than in a normal person. The consequence being that my muscles weren’t going to adequately support my skeletal frame, that this was why I’d experienced hernias by age 32 and slipped discs, for everything was essentially sliding around in me. The joint pain? Dislocations. The muscle pain? Microtears from tissue that tore easily from use. The gastrointestinal problems? Inadequate digestion from the stretchiness. The blurry vision? The cause of extremely low blood pressure. The inability to walk at times? From that low blood pressure, that resulted from overly stretchy veins. With the aid of my husband, I made my way out of his office, into the elevator of his downtown DC high rise in a numb and silent stupor. Once in the parking garage, I suddenly broke down sobbing. This was it. No cure and constant, debilitating, horrendous pain. This was how I was to live my life? 

 

Looking back now on that period after receiving my diagnosis, I can see that I went through the stages of grief. Grieving for a life that I’d once imagined, mourning the demise of unattainable goals, mourning for my identity. I was angry and depressed, in tumult. I drank too much and too often, I picked on my poor husband. I pushed everyone away and wouldn’t let anyone get close to me. Around the time of my diagnosis, my husband and I had left the urban sprawl of the DC/Arlington region for the  idyllic, calm countryside of Charlottesville. There on our 4 acre woodland spread, replete with meandering streams and towering trees, I hid from the world and wallowed in my pity. It all came to a thundering head on Labor Day, 2008. This is a day I don’t at this time wish to delve into any further, but at the very least, it was a turning point. When you’re at the bottom, you can only rise or die.  

 

So I made some big decisions. I left my marriage in which I’d been unhappy, struck out on my own and worked hard at building up my health. Through diet, exercise and sheer force of will, I was determined to be a productive, functioning member of society. Still reclusive and tentative, I went to bed each night, thinking about what I did right, what I accomplished to get closer to my goal of achieving better health, a better quality of life. 

 

Fast-forward to 2010, Huntington Beach, Ca. Convinced I’d needed a more milder climate to aid me in my quest for better health, I’d made the big move across country back to my old hometown. And I was right. My health continued to improve, with diligent efforts and self-discipline. So I embarked on my long (for me!) solo road trip with excitement, curiosity and a little bit of trepidation. I felt that I’d finally gotten my health up to a level of endurance whereby I could be active all day, everyday. The one thing I knew that I’d have to constantly monitor would be my blood pressure and chronic dehydration. If I could manage that, I’d be home-free. And I did it. I had the time of my life on this trip, was active every day, did a respectable amount of activity and sight-seeing. This trip is notable for what did NOT happen: I didn’t collapse, didn’t pass out, didn’t wind up in the hospital on an IV, didn’t incur any slipped discs, hernias, or dislocations. It’s pretty amazing, when the spirit can overcome a crippling, rare genetic disorder.

 

Stay tuned for more posts on my Great Southern Excursion...

West Coast/East Coast Generalizations - November 3, 2010

Some thoughts as I lay here in my motel room nursing my jet lag. Traveling helps to restore my faith in humanity. I spend the majority of my time alone, holed up diligently working on my art. Living life so insulated can make one curmudgeonly, misanthropic, so regular sojourns are good for the soul. I’m so appreciative of those with a generous spirit, those folks who look you in the eye and give you a few light-hearted words, moments like that make my day; chatting with the retired couple on the airport shuttle about their upcoming stay at a lighthouse/B&B on the Oregon coast... the man clad in overalls by the newspaper rack who gave me a quarter when he realized I’d come up short of change...commiserating with other weary gals in the airport restroom about the grueling nature of enduring red-eye flights....the nattily attired young businessman joking with me about the frigid temps outside as we boarded our plane in North Carolina...

 

It’s fun returning to Charlottesville, Virginia after five months, comparing and contrasting my old hometown with my new/old hometown of Huntington Beach. Some observations: C’villains, as locals sometimes refer to themselves, are friendly with a warm, affectionate sweetness. HB’rs are definitely a friendly bunch, but in a breezy, assertive way, more gregarious and preoccupied. C’villains take life slower than SoCalians; there’s no storming of stores, relatively little honking of horns. And I couldn’t help but notice that the main thoroughfares here in C’ville which I’d once thought of as so big and wide are really nothing compared with SoCal’s massive boulevards. Everything about C’ville is more delicate and subdued; the landscape, the people, the way of life. SoCal is large: large streets, large stores, large cars, large vistas, large personalities. C’ville is the thoughtful brunette to HB’s giddy blonde.


The Store is Closed! - October 30, 2010

My Etsy shop is temporarily closed while I'm on vacation & will reopen for business November 10th. Meantime, I'll be checking in here with posts from the road! See y'all around!

New stuff... - October 27, 2010

"Saturn's Rings (False-Color Image)" 10"x10"... for sale in my Etsy shop...

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also find a purdy blue suncatcher in the photo gallery...

Fall Sale! - October 19, 2010

Sale! Sale! Sale! Prices on all items in my Etsy store have been drastically reduced from now til Oct.26th. After which time I'll be temporarily shutting down my shop while I go gallivanting off on a big trip to points East. So get 'em while they're hot! Ornaments/suncatchers make for great/thoughtful stocking stuffers while the larger, fine art mosaics are sure to increase in value exponentially (at least in my mind...)

http://www.etsy.com/shop/AngelTunes

More in My Store - October 11, 2010

Recently added a bunch of stained-glass suncatchers & a couple ornaments.... have a looksy!

http://www.etsy.com/shop/AngelTunes

(and if you haven't yet, please join my mosaic fan page on Facebook!

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Mosaics-by-Angel-LaCanfora/361546493256?ref=nf )

My Store - September 28, 2010

Tomorrow, September 29th, I'll be a featured artist over at Etsy.com ( http://www.etsy.com/shop/AngelTunes ). In honor of the occasion, I'm adding a slew of art to the 20 pieces already on offer, including a few ornaments and this one, seen here. I'm not sure how I feel about selling, uh, me. But it doesn't have to be seen as me. It can be any blonde chick in sunglasses. And the "A" symbol can stand for anything, really. It can be "Aluminum," or "Albatross," or perhaps the name of a notable publisher...

 

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Lifeguard Tower Sunset Mosaic - August 29, 2010

It's been a wonderful week in mosaics for me, having sold 2 pieces, one of which was one of my most beloved & expensive ("Pigeon Point Lighthouse"). And here's a new one for you to feast your eyes on, freshly grouted this morning..."Lifeguard Tower Sunset," 14"x14", ceramic, vitreous & smalti glass on wood.

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Shop Online! - August 22, 2010

Get your Christmas shopping done early & pop on over to my Etsy shop, newly updated with many of my latest mosaics! FREE shipping on combined orders of 2 or more items...

http://www.etsy.com/shop/AngelTunes

New mosaic! - August 13, 2010

Pop art Self-Portrait, 12"x10"

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Mark Your Calendars! - August 12, 2010

A gentle reminder that I'll be one of the featured songwriters at the "Outlaws of Folk" series on Sept. 2nd, going on at approximately 8:30pm. It's going to be fun!!

A thought: Since I'm not quite a folk singer and not quite a pop singer, does that make me a fop singer?

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"Partly Paisley" New Mosaic - July 24, 2010

I really like how this one turned out. In fact, I may never be able to sell it...

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